Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Interracial Fix to Black Marriage: The Lighter Side of the Debate


Have We Forgotten to Laugh at Ourselves?
The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl- Episode # 7 to the Rescue.
                     My close friend Rick Banks, officially known as Professor Ralph Richard Banks of the Stanford Law School, poses a serious question in his forthcoming book Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone to be published by Dutton on Sept. 1.
                       Banks and I have engaged in a few robust and passionate discussions over the years about the general subject of his book and even the book itself. I always tried to toss in a little humor about the subject when our conversations got heated, but I’m not sure it was always effective. We’re both passionate about our opinions and our work.
Join the Discussion.
                       In my very last conversation with Banks, however, he invited me to join the discussion. I haven’t yet read the actual book, and nothing in this essay is to be construed as a book review. For the record, I expect nothing less than a well-written book from him.
                       For full disclosure, yes, I’m one of those single, highly educated Black women whom I assume Banks is referring to in his book who should drop their interest in Black men and go in search of the “other” in order to get a Black man to marry them. No, I am not one of the women Banks interviewed for his book. For a book review, go here for a review from Kirkus. Go to the review at The Root.com  (here) by Jenée Desmond-Harris.
                   I can’t say that the subject of interracial marriage or the prospects of getting married are hot topics on the agenda of life for me other single Black women I know. I vaguely recall this discussion first erupting back in the mid-80s when I graduated from business school. Nothing seems to have changed. Some Black women get married and some don’t. Some have elected to marry interracial and some haven’t. I don’t see a lot of us jumping off buildings in despair over our marital status.
                   I have read the Essence magazine September 2011 issue feature and special report “Dating Beyond the Color Line” by Demetria L. Lucas. She provides an excerpt from Banks’s new book that urges Black women to consider crossing the color line for practical reasons and to gain more “leverage over black men.” Banks also authors an article in theWall Street Journal entitled “An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage? He argues that it all boils down to the numbers and the theory that “for Black women, interracial marriage doesn’t abandon the race, it saves the race.”
So, I Guess I have Officially Joined the Conversation (Maybe)
               My first response after reading the articles, dozens of posts, comments, and more is, What the %#$!@?
Have We Lost Our Ability to Laugh at Ourselves?
                   Every good public speaker knows that he or she is supposed to open a discussion with a joke, some humor, an icebreaker, or something to get the ball rolling. So, in discussing the is-marriage-for-white-people and interracial-fix-to-Black-marriage debate, why have we forgotten how to laugh at ourselves? Have we taken ourselves too seriously or not seriously enough? Can we lighten up the discussion? (No pun intended.) Of course, a little laughter now doesn’t prevent a serious discussion later.
Good News: Finally, Some Intelligent Entertainment on the Subject.
                     Here she comes to save the day! Thank goodness we have The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl to come to our rescue. Whether by design or coincidence, Episode # 7: “The Date”was posted in August 2011 at about the same time of Banks’s Wall Street Journal article. “The Date” is a comical peek into the first date for Black women if Banks’s theory were to grow widespread roots.

                        About a week ago, I read an inspiring story on The Huffington Post about Issa Rae, producer/writer/creator of The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl. Visit her official website here. I was drawn into the article because of her amazing story of creativity, spunk, and can-do attitude about raising money for her creative project through a Kickstarter campaign.
 The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girlis a web series about, well, an awkward black girl. However, as Rae states in her Huffington Post article, it’s much more than a web series: “it is an affirmation that 1) people are tired of mainstream media's limited and confined portrayal of people of color; 2) they are very much willing to unite behind a project they believe in to change that limited portrayal; and 3) people are willing to support and watch web series as a legitimate form of entertainment.“
                         Rae’s work is relevant and timely regarding the issues raised in Banks’s aforementioned book.After all, isn’t thedebateabout individual choice and finding the person who fits all your important relationship criteria, including or excluding racial preference, if that is important for you?
                         I find Rae’s work cleaver, engaging, inspirational, intelligent, and even poignant as we deal with people and their individual right to choose. I applaud that she addresses the humor in the human condition and does not focus on people as “issues.”
                       I hope we will see as many and even more posts and articles on Essence.com, in the Wall Street Journal, and in other mainstream media engaging and supporting clever, intelligent, creative, and thought-provoking content from women of color like Issa Rae. Her efforts to move The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl forward should inspire us to continue to push for content that rejects stereotypes of who we are as women of color, want we need, and what is good for us.
                       The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl is an example of how people of color can reject efforts in the mainstream media to exploit women of color with single sensational coverage of stale and irrelevant issues and discussions about our condition. In short, I would love to stop being talked about and start being talked to. I would love to see us as women of color take back our agenda and define the issues we find relevant and reject the issues predefined by the media and others.
                       For the record, I am neither for nor against interracial marriage. I am pro choice, pro love, and pro respect for women of color. Regardless of whether we as women of color marry, I have no concern that we will not continue to evolve in our brilliance. Our value and our power exist independent of whether we are validated by marriage, Black marriage, or interracial marriage.
                      Let’s just take an important lesson from Issa Rae’s creative work: We all have something to laugh about, including interracial dating.
Tags: Huffington Post, Awkward Black Girl,  Ralph Richard Banks,  Kickstarter, Raye Mitchell African American, Black Women, Essence.com, Wall Street Journal, Essence.com, Issa Rae,