Saturday, October 10, 2015

Black Fathers Present for our Girls


Are Black Fathers and Sons on the Endangered Species List? 


Dear Black Men, Fathers, Sons, Brothers, Uncles, Grandfathers and Friends:

October 10, 2015 is the 20th Anniversary of the Million Man March.

Black Fathers Matter for Black Girls. What will you be doing to celebrate Black Fathers and Sons Who are Present for our Black Girls?

Click here to see video

     

If you have a Black father present in your life, stop and thank him how, because there are 1.5 million Black men missing. 

The 20th anniversary of the Million Man March on Washington D.C.  reminds us to take stock and celebrate our Black fathers and sons that are present in the lives of our woman and girls everyday. 

If we want to save our Black girls, we need to also save our Black fathers and our Black sons. The concept may be too daunting for some and quite alien to others. We cannot risk leaving our girls emotionally wounded and wanting, and intellectually and sociologically impaired when fathers go missing.

You really need not ask why we should celebrate our Black fathers as part of our celebration of Black woman and girls, but here is why. Black families need fathers. #BlackFathersMatter. Our children need Black fathers present in their lives. I work with young girls from all economic backgrounds to increase access to educational and life opportunities for them. In 2014, the Oprah Winfrey Network aired a summer series called "Daddyless Daughters" that focused on women's relationships with absent or uninvolved fathers and I see firsthand the difference for those children of having a father who is present and engaged. Growing up, I had double the love of a mother and a grandmother because my father was around, but not really present and engaged in my life.. I don't know why and I bear no hatred towards him because I do not know his circumstances.
I do know that families can survive and even thrive without a father. I do know that families are configured and reconfigured out of whole cloth every day to unite and form a healthy unit. But never undervalue the importance of having a father present in your life. Never.
Father's Day is a ritual that means very little if you fail to celebrate your father when he is present in your life every other day of the year. Every day should be a day of celebration for the Black father. He is an endangered species.
"If we don't show and share positive stories about black fathers, then ugly stereotypes will prevail. "I realized that while we still have problems in our communities, there have for decades been black men who have been good men, good husbands and of course good fathers. . . . However, this positive picture is rarely shown. It's an oversight that appears to prevent the constructive narrative from bringing changes to our communities," saysAaron Paxton Arnold, in Dispelling the myths about black fathers, an article appearing in July 2015 at CNN.com

I am sending this email blog to all the brothers who have a father who is not on drugs, not shot by the police, did not abandon their wives, did not abandon their children, and did not abandon their families.
I am sending this email blog to all the brothers who call themselves good Black men and good Black fathers, because they too had to learn from someone. This is for all the brothers holding jobs, who are educated, and who are not falling into the all too familiar stereotypes of domestic violence or become deadbeats who do not pay child support or are just "not there."
This is for the Black fathers who are keeping it together for their sons so that they too have positive role models. This is for the Black fathers who are keeping it together so that their daughters and granddaughters also have positive role models of a "good Black Man" who elects to stay and not leave.
I am sending this email blog as a wake-up call to each and every Black man who has both a father and a son so that you continue to lead the march toward preservation of your family and their health and well-being. Together the family unit is stronger than when it is separated into fragmented pieces.
I am sending this email to every woman who is married to a Black man and has a child by and of that Black man. Call your children what you want, but America will call them Black. I am sending this to every mother who has to raise her Black son or daughter in a country where race still comes before character. Your child needs their Black father present in his or her life.
I am sending this email to all the brothers I know who still have fathers that are not and never were in jail. Celebrate the freedom of being able to see your father without the bars, the guards, and the need to see him humiliated by an unjust justice system that convicts on color before all else. Celebrate his freedom to be present for you then and even now. His ability to stay free to be present for YOU came at a high price you may never know he had to pay. 

My friend Hill Harper wrote the bestseller Letters to an Incarcerated Brother. 
Many prominent Black men and women contributed letters of hope to incarcerated Black men. One of the issues that rings clear is that families are in crisis when the father goes missing. It is true for white families as much as it is true for Black families and those who call themselves families without the need to designate their racial identity. Family is family. A father is a man who is present and engaged.

A close friend, Richard F., wrote a contributing section to Hill's book. The submission is available on our website by clicking here. Richard F. is a Black man. He is a Black father. He has never been in jail, cheated his wife, done drugs, robbed, stole, or anything else negatively ascribed to our Black men.
He does not have multiple "baby mommas." He is educated and he ensured his children were educated. He is present and was present for his two sons, who themselves are grown, married and have sons. They are not in jail. They do not have multiple "baby mommas" and they are present in the lives of their children. Real Black men learn from real Black men: fathers, uncles, grandfathers, brothers, and friends. It is not by chance that Richard F.'s sons are not in jail. It is by design, love, and support, and a present Black father, that Richard F.'s sons are not on drugs and not absent from their families.
The next time you see a Black father and a Black son-give thanks. If you cannot make it to Washington D.C. on October 10, 2015, to celebrate Black men, Black fathers, and Black sons, make your way to the telephone and reach at least 10 Black fathers and sons you know who are present for their sons, wives, and daughters.
Get on a conference call, Skype, do anything, and unite all the Black men and sons in your immediate family and have your own Million Man March. #BlackFathersMatter.
Don't let Black Fathers and Black Sons move from an endangered species to an extinct species.
Raye Mitchell
CEO and Founder
The New Reality Foundation, Inc.