Friday, September 2, 2011

"Teens Girls Tell Stanford Law School Professor: Your Message Fosters Teen Bullying and is Demeaning to Girls”



Group of Interracial Girls say Professor Ralph Rich Banks Book Pits White Teen Girls Against Black Teen Girls in Competition for White Boys.

Here we go again. Professor Ralph Richard Banks should take a lesson from JCPenney and be more mindful of the impact of his message on teen and listen to them as the generation impacted by his new book. Less than two days ago, JCPenney withdrew production of a sweatshirt that simply sent the wrong message to girls that: (http://www.huliq.com/10178/jc-penney-pulls-im-too-pretty-do-homework-tee-after-online-petition). Professor Banks’ book also sends the wrong message to  teen girls and a Change.org petition has posted to share their views.

Professor Ralph Richard Banks of the Stanford Law School released his debut book Is Marriage for White People? How the African-American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone yesterday. Articles discussing and promoting the book prior to its publication include a feature story in the Essence magazine September 2011 issue, a special report by Demetria L. Lucas entitled “Dating Beyond the Color Line,” and Banks’ article in the Wall Street Journal entitled “An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage? Banks argues that it all boils down to numbers and the theory that “for Black women, interracial marriage doesn’t abandon the race; it saves the race.” The articles have, as anticipated, generated a vibrant discussion about interracial marriage and Black women. However, the voices of teen girls (Black and White) as the current and future generation impacted by marriage and dating trends appear missing from the discussions, so I asked some girls to share their viewpoints.

I lead a mentoring program called G.U.R.L.S. Rock Leadership (G.U.R.L.S. stands for growth, unity, respect, leadership, success), and girls in groups and one-on-one interviews, Black, White, and Latina, recently sounded off on how Banks’ theory impacts them. They shared that they were aware of the Essence article.  I asked if they believed that Banks’ research and book applied to them as teen girls since he appears to have interviewed and spoken to adult women only.  The unanimous reply was, “OMG [oh my god], yes.  I will be a women ready to marry one day.”

The results of the interviews are not favorable for Professor Banks’ book and message.  Unfortunately, what is presented in Banks’ new book is well-written and scholarly, but it sends the wrong message to all teen girls. The message is divisive: it tells girls to engage in gamesmanship to get a boy and pits Black against White in competition for a boy—a White boy at that.

Rather than focusing on healing what is hurting Black marriage, in the end Banks simply pits Black women against White women in a competition for White men. The girls said that his theory applies to them because they will be “grown women one day.” What is he doing, he is pitting Black girls against White girls in a competition for White boys” said one girl. While he labels the concept of his book “empowerment for Black women” and offers “alternatives to women of color to marry,” Banks’ message, ironically, undermines the power of all teen girls to build mutual trust across racial lines.

By the overemphasis on race, Banks’ message creates a perfect storm for increased instances of mean-girl syndrome and bullying by ostracizing, and separating young Black girls and White girls and inflaming the racial divide amongst teen girls with increased racial competition over boys. In the end, the overemphasis on the racial aspects of relationship development lowers self-esteem and confidence for all girls.

During the interviews, the girls stated that they felt that Banks’ theory was “insulting,” demeaning,” and “not empowering, but stupid.” “He acts like a girl can’t figure out on her own who she should like.” One girl, who happens to be White, stated: “Why does he bring race into it anyway? If he is saying there is a problem with Black marriage, he is just playing the race game. It’s divisive. Does he have a daughter, anyway?”

Another young Black girl stated: “It makes it harder for me to fit in and succeed in an all-White school, and it makes me afraid. I go to a majority White school and now they think I am trying to steal their boyfriends. It gives them a reason to bully me, like its not hard enough being in these schools anyway.” A Latina girl stated, “why do I have to use my race to get boy or man to marry me, can’t I just decide on my own. That professor needs to respect that I’ll know when and how to make my choices: like stay single, marry a Mexican or even a White-guy—let me decide and not make a big deal about it.” Yet another White girl said, when referring to her friend’s ‘My Black is Beautiful’ t-shirt, so now you have to say,  ‘My White is Beautiful.’” The young White girl said: “He [Banks] owes us an apology. He should not use race to divide us and to try to get men to do something. We have enough to do and learn, and now he wants us to play race-related games. Is that what they teach you at Stanford Law School?”

To White teen girls, Banks is telling them to be fearful of “increased” competition from Black girls for White boys. He is signaling that Black girls are needy, desperate, and thus deserving of sympathy and/or ridiculed because they cannot get a “Black boy.” For girls of color, Banks is sending a message that they cannot attract and keep a Black boy unless they engage in gamesmanship. Further, he is communicating that if you want to marry a man of your same racial identity, you should not dream big, you should not work for success, and you should not work to advance yourself or your community.

The irony of Banks’ message is that in advocating interracial marriage, he is actually creating the potential for a racial divide amongst Black and White girls in a competition for White boys to fix Black marriage. While the reply argument may be that his book is not intended for teens, and they cannot comprehend the scope of his scholarly work, that argument sidesteps the practical impact of his work and ignores a new generation impacted by his work and theories. Furthermore, Banks’ message fosters the prospects for a new level of teen bullying based on racially based competition for dating and simply undermines the mission and work of programs like G.U.R.L.S. Rock Leadership to eradicate demeaning, gender-based gamesmanship behavior that lowers the self-esteem of all girls.

Banks’ book simply sends the wrong message and encourages women, therefore also girls, to engage in a form of race-baiting to try to encourage Black men and boys to be more committed to Black women and girls. However, there is no difference: whether printed on a mass market t-shirt or promoted in a scholarly work, a sexist message to teen girls is still a sexist message to our teen girls. Like the JCPenney sweatshirt design, the message in Banks’ book is misogynist, sexist, and demeaning. Do women and girls really need to have a book tell them what they already know? They know they have options, including interracial dating. The message from interviewing the girls is a rejection of the overemphasis on race and race as a means to solve and resolve cultural issues.

I am doubtful that a Black Stanford Law School Professor set out to offend White teen girls (or White women). I am also hopeful that a Law School Professor did not set out to demean Black girls or to excite and ignite racial division and competition for White boys. But as presented and as promoted, that is exactly what his aforementioned book is accomplishing. In an effort to promote his scholarly work, our girls, both Black and White, are being hit with the message and have become causalities of the war. It is a return to the old stereotype that having a man and being married validates a woman’s worth.

Just as JCPenney acted without due regard for the impact of its message on teen girls, so has Professor Ralph Richard Banks. He is sending the wrong message to girls. We need to put a stop to messages that demean our girls. Our girls deserve better from a company like JCPenney and from a Stanford Law School Professor.

Professor Ralph Richard Banks’ book hit the bookstands yesterday. As was done in the JCPenney case, the girls requested that I initiate a petition so that they are heard and to send a powerful message to Professor Ralph Richard Banks, Stop Promoting Racial Divide Amongst Teen Girls With Competition for Boys.  Girls Deserve Better.

Indeed, they added that we should unite to convince JCPenney to design and promote a G.U.R.L.S. Rock sweatshirt that says: “Respect My Ability to Choose for Myself”, or, “I Am a Girl and I Am Smart, Confident, Capable, and Beautiful, and I Don’t Need to Play Relationship Games to Attract a Boy.” “We can send the first ones off the line to Professor Ralph Richard Banks at Stanford Law School.”

Endnote:

Thank you to all the girls that lent their passionate, honest and thoughtful comments and two petitions have been posted:


Both White and Black Girls Find Your Work Demeaning and Want an Apology.


JCPenney. An Apology is Not Sufficient, Do Something Affirmative to Show Respect Girls-

http://www.change.org/petitions/jcpenny-produce-products-that-focus-on-respect-and-build-self-esteem-for-teen-girls?share_id=omFMrqaqtG&pe=pce

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Interracial Fix to Black Marriage: The Lighter Side of the Debate


Have We Forgotten to Laugh at Ourselves?
The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl- Episode # 7 to the Rescue.
                     My close friend Rick Banks, officially known as Professor Ralph Richard Banks of the Stanford Law School, poses a serious question in his forthcoming book Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone to be published by Dutton on Sept. 1.
                       Banks and I have engaged in a few robust and passionate discussions over the years about the general subject of his book and even the book itself. I always tried to toss in a little humor about the subject when our conversations got heated, but I’m not sure it was always effective. We’re both passionate about our opinions and our work.
Join the Discussion.
                       In my very last conversation with Banks, however, he invited me to join the discussion. I haven’t yet read the actual book, and nothing in this essay is to be construed as a book review. For the record, I expect nothing less than a well-written book from him.
                       For full disclosure, yes, I’m one of those single, highly educated Black women whom I assume Banks is referring to in his book who should drop their interest in Black men and go in search of the “other” in order to get a Black man to marry them. No, I am not one of the women Banks interviewed for his book. For a book review, go here for a review from Kirkus. Go to the review at The Root.com  (here) by Jenée Desmond-Harris.
                   I can’t say that the subject of interracial marriage or the prospects of getting married are hot topics on the agenda of life for me other single Black women I know. I vaguely recall this discussion first erupting back in the mid-80s when I graduated from business school. Nothing seems to have changed. Some Black women get married and some don’t. Some have elected to marry interracial and some haven’t. I don’t see a lot of us jumping off buildings in despair over our marital status.
                   I have read the Essence magazine September 2011 issue feature and special report “Dating Beyond the Color Line” by Demetria L. Lucas. She provides an excerpt from Banks’s new book that urges Black women to consider crossing the color line for practical reasons and to gain more “leverage over black men.” Banks also authors an article in theWall Street Journal entitled “An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage? He argues that it all boils down to the numbers and the theory that “for Black women, interracial marriage doesn’t abandon the race, it saves the race.”
So, I Guess I have Officially Joined the Conversation (Maybe)
               My first response after reading the articles, dozens of posts, comments, and more is, What the %#$!@?
Have We Lost Our Ability to Laugh at Ourselves?
                   Every good public speaker knows that he or she is supposed to open a discussion with a joke, some humor, an icebreaker, or something to get the ball rolling. So, in discussing the is-marriage-for-white-people and interracial-fix-to-Black-marriage debate, why have we forgotten how to laugh at ourselves? Have we taken ourselves too seriously or not seriously enough? Can we lighten up the discussion? (No pun intended.) Of course, a little laughter now doesn’t prevent a serious discussion later.
Good News: Finally, Some Intelligent Entertainment on the Subject.
                     Here she comes to save the day! Thank goodness we have The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl to come to our rescue. Whether by design or coincidence, Episode # 7: “The Date”was posted in August 2011 at about the same time of Banks’s Wall Street Journal article. “The Date” is a comical peek into the first date for Black women if Banks’s theory were to grow widespread roots.

                        About a week ago, I read an inspiring story on The Huffington Post about Issa Rae, producer/writer/creator of The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl. Visit her official website here. I was drawn into the article because of her amazing story of creativity, spunk, and can-do attitude about raising money for her creative project through a Kickstarter campaign.
 The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girlis a web series about, well, an awkward black girl. However, as Rae states in her Huffington Post article, it’s much more than a web series: “it is an affirmation that 1) people are tired of mainstream media's limited and confined portrayal of people of color; 2) they are very much willing to unite behind a project they believe in to change that limited portrayal; and 3) people are willing to support and watch web series as a legitimate form of entertainment.“
                         Rae’s work is relevant and timely regarding the issues raised in Banks’s aforementioned book.After all, isn’t thedebateabout individual choice and finding the person who fits all your important relationship criteria, including or excluding racial preference, if that is important for you?
                         I find Rae’s work cleaver, engaging, inspirational, intelligent, and even poignant as we deal with people and their individual right to choose. I applaud that she addresses the humor in the human condition and does not focus on people as “issues.”
                       I hope we will see as many and even more posts and articles on Essence.com, in the Wall Street Journal, and in other mainstream media engaging and supporting clever, intelligent, creative, and thought-provoking content from women of color like Issa Rae. Her efforts to move The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl forward should inspire us to continue to push for content that rejects stereotypes of who we are as women of color, want we need, and what is good for us.
                       The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl is an example of how people of color can reject efforts in the mainstream media to exploit women of color with single sensational coverage of stale and irrelevant issues and discussions about our condition. In short, I would love to stop being talked about and start being talked to. I would love to see us as women of color take back our agenda and define the issues we find relevant and reject the issues predefined by the media and others.
                       For the record, I am neither for nor against interracial marriage. I am pro choice, pro love, and pro respect for women of color. Regardless of whether we as women of color marry, I have no concern that we will not continue to evolve in our brilliance. Our value and our power exist independent of whether we are validated by marriage, Black marriage, or interracial marriage.
                      Let’s just take an important lesson from Issa Rae’s creative work: We all have something to laugh about, including interracial dating.
Tags: Huffington Post, Awkward Black Girl,  Ralph Richard Banks,  Kickstarter, Raye Mitchell African American, Black Women, Essence.com, Wall Street Journal, Essence.com, Issa Rae,